Most people are shocked when I say I was finally diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer in August 2013, as though it is a good thing.
You see, after two years of constantly having to clear my throat when speaking and a ragged hissing sound while exhaling, I was exhausted from going from one physician to another with no solution for my symptoms. The physicians were looking in all places but cancer. Why would they? – they look at their chart – 45 year male runs on average 20 miles per week, non-smoker, eats healthily, Body Mass Index well within range, no family history of any cancer of any kind. Checking for cancer was just not on the radar. So yes, finally at 47 years old, getting a diagnosis was a relief, but, I just couldn’t fathom how cancer, how lung and how Stage IV. I was totally dazed and stunned. I went into shock and an agony so, so, so deep in my stomach that I couldn’t sleep or eat. In an instant I lost the ability to smile and ability to feel happiness. Like a beggar I searched the vast spaces of the internet, moving from one galaxy to another desperately seeking assurance and hope, but all I found was destruction and despair. I felt so alone. I thought there is nothing more debilitating than the severe anxiety, but depression was already at my doorstep.
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